Monday, September 28, 2009

Grateful, Yes, I am Grateful

Just thinking.

The door to my shop at night. Yes, I am there a lot working in the quiet of the night.

This is how I get to work most of the time, tooling through the neighborhood. Yes, I need a new bike seat but it works so what? I did feel older the other day when I overheard a local kind of drunk guy talking to another kind of drunk guy say "Yea man, I ought to get one of those bikes for my mom." Maybe I should trade it in for a 2 wheeler instead or take the grocery basket off.

Flowers in my wild woman art garden.

I have what I want. Ever since I was a little girl I would look at every funny little building and think what it could be. I simply thought clubhouse for a long time and eventually I thought art studio or shop. So I am very lucky and through the sacrifice of not getting a "real job" I have what a lot of people would like to have, minus heat and and air. I have a place to make art and that is my business.
So I was scrubbing my beige colored sink with non scratch comet the other day thinking, "Gee if I had a real job I could get new cabinets, counter tops and a stainless steel sink. Is is worth the trade?
And, I remember Cathy Kellogg, a dear friend who had a daughter the same age as mine and Cathy later died of cancer. She told me they drove crappy old cars so they could give their kids good educations and cars could come some other time. She never got to see "the other time" but I got the point. Ever since then, I always think as I look at our second hand couch and those windows that don't open quite right, it is for our kids education and it is worth it. I still agree with that statement.
When I was younger, I had stars in my eyes. I knew I could do anything or have anything I wanted. Probably was pretty much true. I chose what I have. But what about that sink and the fence and the windows?
I recently heard about a job or two I was interested in to try to make up the financial difference before I would retire, supposing I really could. Then I think about the freedom I give up to do that. Could have charged a lot more for those pots and got ahead if I had not felt so shy about it or could have made myself toot my own horn.
It is not in my nature. To be honest, I don't even like to price my pots and wish I could afford to just give them to people who deserve them. Oh, bad business plan!

And now, I kind of step back and make room for the younger artists. I am actually happy for them as I see them find there way repeating some of the same good things and same mistakes I made. It is also fun to be the teacher and try to help others not have to re-invent the wheel so to speak.

So I make my special orders, enjoy it. I look at my beautiful flower garden. I still have great ideas, stay inspired and work hard. I just don't want to jump through anyone's hoops. I want to pace myself and enjoy everyday. I ride my bike, I color my hair, I exercise and I dream. I don't want to make a business plan. I just want to be grateful I have basically what I want and more stuff than I want and be grateful.

Ride the wave. The economy will get better and then I will feel even more grateful. But I still keep an eye on those building and think what they could be. I still hate "mission statements." I know what I want.I never want to deal with by laws again. I believe in clarity and trust. I just want let good things happen with a little direction. And, I want to stop and smell the flowers in the garden and look for butterflies every now and then.

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