Monday, May 4, 2009

Perfectionism gets in the way of being perfect.

Diets suck. I have been doing weight watchers and this week I gained .2 pounds. I spent way to many hours being hungry for this to be possible. But I was not perfect. I thought maybe I could fool or play the system but it did not work out evidently.

I did the "points tracking" most of the time. Not perfect. Eventually I made the little point book a little to difficult to get to and made a few good homemade foods and I could not figure out the points value. I tried to figure it out on the computer but it did its quirky little no info available thing.

Next? I made some cookies a friend revamped into a very healthy recipe. How could it not help cure my chocolate urge in an ever so healthy way? Well. I did not know how to calculate the points again and could not keep my needy hand out of the plastic container realizing how many oats, egg beaters and whole wheat flour saved them from being unhealthy. Guess again. Portion control. And, once again, imperfect.

Next? In a moment of weakness I found myself pouring over the bulk bins at whole foods looking at calories, fiber and fat and came up with the best of the worst. Dark chocolate covered natural cherries and yogurt covered malted milk balls. Great idea if you could only eat two. Imperfect.

Next? I have a new bread machine and a husband who loves to use it. Having worked all day and eaten a terrible Smart Ones noodle and mushroom dish frozen lunch, I arrived home tired and hungry. There it was. A feast. A delicious whole wheat bread with molasses and walnuts and butter mixed with olive oil and a glass or two of wine. Eat it instead of supper. Imperfect. Ate too much.

So I go to weight watchers hardly able to look at the scales even though I did not use all my points this week. I looked through a squeezed eye and could not tell what the scale said. "What is it?" I asked. You gained .2 pounds. Crap. Imperfect. Could I have peed it out? I took off my shoes. What about my earrings? Cut my hair? Crap, maybe real crap.

So the lesson was about being imperfect and some other stuff on being negative. My dear friend, sitting next to me, having regained her weight, saw the psychological attempt at learning they were using on us today. She whispered to me, "I can use this in class. We are studying this method now."
Sometimes I wish I was dumber. Yes'em, I'll do just what you say. I don't know anything and you are so right. If only I had known sooner I would be thinner.

Attitude ajustment time again. I know I can do this. I deserve to be thin. I want to be healthy and feel fine.

Now I am better prepared for the weak or week depending how you look at it. I made cabbage soup to be mixed with all kinds of stuff to lower points etc. And, I have been adjusting my attitude, again. I heard what they said today about negative thinking and recognize I am a frustrated perfectionist while staying positive, hmm.
I found some delightful little tortilla baking pans to bake the shells for a taco salad and made a great salad for dinner and washed it down with a Frescarita. Life is not so bad and that scale better come down again next week. With a little luck it will stop raining and walking is fun.

Not perfect but trying and that is ok.

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